Patrice O’Neal Quotes – Patrice O’Neal was a stand-up comedian in America. He was also a radio personality and an actor. Patrice O’Neal appeared as a guest in different television programs. He was very well-known due to his regular appearance as a guest.
This television program was “Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn.” He also appeared in a radio show called “Opie and Anthony.” In 1992 he started his career as a stand-up comedian. His comedy consisted of act base conversation, confrontational point of view, and deconstructive analysis.
Patrice O’Neal inspired people with his comedy. His comedy contains a lot of lessons for the people. For inspiring you, we have some famous Patrice O’Neal quotes. By reading these quotes, you will get the courage to face the problems and move on in life without hesitation.
Most Famous Patrice O’Neal Quotes
2.”People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job ’cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion.”-Patrice O’Neal
3.”Not everybody should be laughing at everything at the same time. That’s not even natural. My thing is to feel natural, because I don’t want to feel like I could just make people laugh at every single joke, every single time, with the same decibel level.”-Patrice O’Neal
4.”I’m a thigh-meat dude. Thigh is just the best meat – I don’t get chicken breast. I think it’s a publicity stunt that we’ve convinced people it’s delicious.”-Patrice O’Neal
5.”I’m a big buffet dude, or I’m a big cheap-food-and-order-more-when-I-need-it dude.”-Patrice O’Neal
6.”I don’t go to any sexy places to eat where they give you half a lamb chop and one bean. I like going, ‘Uhhh, I’m done’ when I eat.”-Patrice O’Neal
7.”Just making the crowd laugh is not really doing things for me anymore.”-Patrice O’Neal
8.”That’s just knowing how to kill; I’ve learned how to kill – but also learned when a crowd’s laughter is meaningful.”-Patrice O’Neal
9.”Who has connections to Connecticut? That’s where rich people go to live the rest of their life in the woods.”-Patrice O’Neal
10.”I need a little bass and I don’t even need that crazy bass to break your face. I just want it to sound good when I have my favorite song.”-Patrice O’Neal
11.”The case is I talk for a living, so I should be able to say anything I want to say regardless of how you feel. What we’re starting to deal with now is your opinion matters, but to be quite honest, your opinion means nothing.”-Patrice O’Neal
12.”I’ve still got that little freedom part of me that wants to have a car that looks really sexy.”-Patrice O’Neal
13.”I’m a decent cook, and I will try to cook anything. My only weakness is that I don’t know servings – I only know how to make a lot.”-Patrice O’Neal
14.”I am that guy who will say things that people seem to think is a little edgy, a little racy.”-Patrice O’Neal
15.”I’m a slave to the culture, so I see an Audi, a Denali, or an Escalade, my neighbor got the four-door Porsche. I have a really nice truck. But it’s a Durango and I like frontin’! I like to ride by and show off.”-Patrice O’Neal
16.”Inappropriate is a vaginal word”-Patrice O’Neal
17.”This is my question, for life: have we retired the phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”? Is it legal for me to say, “I endorse hate speech, I don’t give a fuck”? I want hate speech. Why can’t I hate you…in speech?” -Patrice O’Neal
18.”That emptiness of “I made it!” What’s it? You know what I’m saying? So I just do it because when a guy says to me “Dude… Man, you changed my life,” that feels good. If a dude says “You changed my life” or a woman says “You changed my life,” for some goofy shit you did… you know, that means something. That’s “it”. I want to change lives but not be profound about it.” -Patrice O’Neal
19.”This business is the beast and it eats everybody and shits them out. But here’s what’s funny about the beast: it’s a neverending line of people who want to get in the mouth and get chewed up and shit out. It’s because, when you get in the belly, you get $2 million a week. And when you get shit out, you’re a pile back there. And you have the option to wait to get back in line, and wait to go get back in the beast, and get eaten and shit out! And we line up! And I didn’t even get to the beast yet. 20 years! See, when the beast pick you up, to put you in it’s mouth, you shinin’. People see you. Sometimes, see what “15 minutes of fame” is, when the beast throws somebody down, they, that was reality (show) people. This one was an athlete that had one good year. And you throw him down. Now, you see, “ooh, that looks like a delicious young thing there.” Eat, chew. That’s why I love Charlie Sheen so much: he was in the belly. When you making $2 million a week doing anything, you’re in the absolute belly, and for that fucker to betray his position in the business, to actually give the beast indigestion, was spectacular. He was a martyr. And Mel Gibson, too! He could have been the beast, he was so big. And they turned on him, you know what I’m saying? So, anybody that gets that deep and turns on the beast, man, you’ve got to root for him, no matter what, because they’re martyrs, because no one’s going to stand up for them. And then, Hollywood, they tell you who to hate. Like when they rose up against him, to not be on The Hangover 2. The movie was about trannies, people getting fucked in the ass, drugs, death, and Mike Tyson, who got a rape conviction. And you motherfuckers decide to gang up on Mel Gibson? He can’t play a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2?! It’s not hypocrisy, because that’s a human thing. It’s something else” -Patrice O’Neal
21.”I don’t litter. I don’t throw garbage in the street. Not because I care about the Earth. But I’m afraid I’m going to be walking through the park drinking a soda and when I’m done, I just throw it over my shoulder, it’ll fly over a bush and land on some dead white woman’s head with my fingerprints on the can. Now I’m the Pepsi-Cola Rapist because I’m lazy.”-Patrice O’Neal
22.”I generally don’t like living in a world where being what a man is, is a horrible thing; and no matter what a woman is, is a wonderful thing.”-Patrice O’Neal
23.”People have tried to corner the market on being offended, corner the market on language and corner the market on opinion. Should I lose my job ’cause I offended somebody? No, of course not. Your life should never be affected by public opinion.”-Patrice O’Neal
24.”What I’m trying to do is be righteous. And when I say “righteous,” I don’t mean God. You know? God- Righteous. I mean just when I wake up, I know I was honest to myself.”-Patrice O’Neal
25.”Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey.”
26.”They can’t control you if you don’t have or want anything. The way to control someone who doesn’t have anything is to give him something. Then hold it against him.”-Patrice O’Neal
27.”I’m getting tired of famous people making me give money to the disease that they got.” -Patrice O’Neal
28.“I told my girl, she was the 4th most important thing in my life. First, there’s Me, then my mother, my career, and then her. And, then bitch if my moms dies, you don’t move up because her memory would still be more important than you.” -Patrice O’Neal
29.“Liars don’t like me. People who lie, people who live a lie. There’s people who love living lies. I was thinking the other day, ‘brutal honesty’ is a dumb term. The word ‘brutal’ should be associated with lying, like “You’re a brutal liar”, as opposed to somebody who’s just going to inform you of what they believe the truth to be. I love honest shit, man. You can’t fuck with the truth”-Patrice O’Neal
30.”The case is I talk for a living, so I should be able to say anything I want to say regardless of how you feel. What we’re starting to deal with now is your opinion matters, but to be quite honest, your opinion means nothing.” -Patrice O’Neal
31.“Women are easy to love but hard to like. How the hell am I supposed to like you when you don’t even like each other? You fall out with your friends every other week.” -Patrice O’Neal
32.”Have your opinion, don’t let your opinion have you.”-Patrice O’Neal
33.“If I don’t say it, I’ll forget it. And I just want it to be out there in cyberspace, some kind of way. It just lives, if I speak, I live.”
34.”The attempt is what i’m trying to fight for. The joke may or may…-funny jokes and unfunny jokes come out of the same birth, you don’t know if anything is gonna be funny, you should attempt to be able make anything funny.”-Patrice O’Neal
36.”Men want to be alone, but we don’t wanna be by ourselves.”-Patrice O’Neal
37.”Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon . . . dipped in honey.”-Patrice O’Neal
38.”Have your opinion, don’t let your opinion have you.”-Patrice O’Neal
39.”Women want us to like them, but they don’t even like each other.”-Patrice O’Neal
40.”I can say anything I goddamn want racially. And white people have to sit there and take it. (as white person) “I am evil, yes.” I like to talk to white people about being honest about Obama. You gave it a shot. You did. You gave it a two-year shot. I’m mad at him (Obama) because I thought I would have a white slave by now! I thought it was vengeance day! I thought I had me a white family! A big old, fat white girl. Go warm my bed up– get upstairs, Susan! Warm my bed up feed my baby with your giant white titties! I’m gonna go outside and stare your husband in the face and decide whether I’m gonna sell him or not!”-Patrice O’Neal
41.”Sex is so much fun for dudes. Cause we got a money shot. You don’t understand what it’s like to see– we both have orgasms, but we men have a receipt. You be like, I am satisfied, because that’s what it is– look at it! You don’t think you’d be happier, ladies, if you could just shoot a couple of eggs in a guy’s face? Right on top of his forehead. You wouldn’t be happier? And he’s just sitting there? And you go, “Aw, that felt good. Go in the bathroom and wash your face.” Call your friends on the phone, “I just egged on top of his head.” (as man) “Don’t tell your friends our business!” (as woman) “Shut up, she already knows I egg on top of your head.”-Patrice O’Neal
42.”You gotta stop lying. You know… I mean it’s difficult to tell the truth, but you gotta start telling the truth cause it kills you, it takes something out of you when you’re…. a phony. You know, I’d rather die than to be phony really, cause… it kills me. And I’m…there’s nothing worse… like I’m depressed, but I’m not suicidal. Do you know how like… horrible it is just being to… to want to kill yourself but you just can’t, you won’t kill yourself? Do you understand what that is? So I had to figure out a way how to make myself happy….and that’s not to lie.”-Patrice O’Neal
43.”I said to my girl, “The reason you have a key (to my house) is to keep me from having other women in my house. I give you an open invitation.” See, she wants me to go, “Because I love you and I trust you, and I want you to trust me.” It’s because the fear of my girl walking in will keep me from having a young broad sitting on top of my counter. But she wants that to be because I love her so much, but it’s just to protect me from my own manness.”-Patrice O’Neal
44.”A beautiful 35-year old ain’t as good-looking as an ugly 19-year old.”-Patrice O’Neal
45.”(after host Anthony Cumia complained that a black, female bartender once refused to give him an extra drink, even after he had tipped her $20) Let me tell you, black people are very sensitive about context. (You meant), “Sweetie, no disrespect, here’s a twenty,” but (she took it as), “Here, fat nigga-lean, take this twenty and you will be giving me my beers, all day, at my request, you fat fuck.” She smelled it on you, so she said, “Take your twenty and shove it up your ass, cracker devil.”-Patrice O’Neal
46.”(on the killing of Osama Bin Laden) I watched the Bin Laden thing, and you know, there’s what’s called the “conspiracy nuts” and whatever, and the thing that gets me is that when there is one little question, that makes you go, “What?” That we don’t galvanize and say, “No, no, no, you’re not allowed to say anything else until we cover this. Give me a straight answer, because flushing Bin Laden down the ocean, like he’s cocaine, from The Goodfellas, it doesn’t prove anything.” You know, somebody like (Sean) Hannity would make me sound like a complete idiot if I went on his show and went, “He flushed him down the fucking ocean!” But, it’s just, you go, “There’s nothing that makes you go, what?””
47.”If you tell me 2 + 2 is 4, and I know it is, then you… shove marbles up your ass, I go “Damn, Anthony shoves marbles in his ass?” But [the fact that you shove marbles in your ass] doesn’t invalidate 2 + 2 = 4.”-Patrice O’Neal
48.”People always say “Don’t you support the troops?” But the troops are an entity that just follows orders. It’s not about individuals or people. So when I say “I don’t support the troops”, I’m saying I don’t support the bankers and politicians who are making them do what they do.”-Patrice O’Neal
49.”This is my question, for life: have we retired the phrase, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me”? Is it legal for me to say, “I endorse hate speech, I don’t give a fuck”? I want hate speech. Why can’t I hate you…in speech?”-Patrice O’Neal
50.”I just think the closer we (as a species) think we get to God, the closer we get to death.”-Patrice O’Neal
51.”Having women work with men is like having a grizzly bear work with salmon, dipped in honey.”-Patrice O’Neal
If you want to make other people laugh, you should know that this is the most difficult task. Everyone in this life faces a lot of problems. It becomes very easy to make anyone sad.
Because everyone has a lot of problems in life that make them sad. When you try to make others laugh, not all people may laugh at your joke. Everyone has a different view.
Many people sitting around may laugh, but at the same time, some don’t. Different people have a different sense of humor. They understand things according to their choice.
Patrice O’Neal was a standup comedian who tried different ways to make people laugh. By reading Patrice O’Neal’s quotes, you will know how to make other people happy and make them laugh. Do like and share these quotes by Patrice O’Neal with your friends as well.